Hi everybody,

It's really hard for someone to talk about someone you love and have lost in such a short period of time. I am not going to talk about how much I love her, and how much time we have had together - I just want to sit here and tell everybody that the last few days have been terrible - the most worst days of my life. I've thought of a million ways, a million things to do for us to be together. I know she is around somewhere, waiting for me. Oh, I've thought of crazy things to do, just so I could be with her right now, but I mean it's natural to think of all these things when you're losing your head a bit. The only thing that has got me through this is the love and support that everyone has shown me. Hearing over and over - Be Strong. I can't describe the feeling right now, talking on this tape recording and lying on our bed where we used to sleep together, reaching over for someone who is never going to be there again.

The only reason I can go on - the thing that helped me the most - was staying over at Moe's house, her mother let me sleep in her bed. Her sheets smelled like her. It felt natural being with her family. It felt so good. It was the comfort I needed. It was the comfort I got. If it wasn't for them... I don't want to worry my parents or family. My mind was thinking of how to be with her. One night Monique's mother held me and called me her son, and right then and there I knew if I ever felt so low, I could just drive across the bridge and there I'd be, at Moe's house, where her spirit is the strongest. I know sooner or later I will be with her, but I don't want to change course. I don't want to force it. It's bad enough the two of them went the way they did, I don't want to put anyone through anything else. But I hear her calling for me sometimes and I feel so good to hear it. More importantly, I want us - all the friends - to stay close together. She was our centre. We can't fall apart. We have to keep smiling to get through this together. We have to stick by each other. Think of the way she smiled. She had a mile smile. It's all I think about. I hope you think of the same thing. I want to think of what we had, and what we're going to have in the time to come.


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